Its easy to focus on the negative, on the bad, on the shame and the hurt. But in this tangle of conflicting emotions which pull me in every direction, I am aware of something very precious. I am aware that God has been gracious in bringing my husband out of darkness and into his wonderful light.
It’s very hard to blog about him in some ways because of all that he should have been. He was a pastor and he should have always been in the light. Over the last years I have known something was amiss. It wasn’t anything blatant but I knew he wasn’t loving the Lord with his whole heart. But it was subtle, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I also knew of his unhappiness, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it. I prayed for him at home, at work, in the night, and even trudging around the aisles of the supermarket. I never stopped. I implored the Lord over and over again, and prayed for him over many years.
God’s timing is always perfect, and he has now answered my prayer; but not in the way I expected. I give him thanks because my husband has now stepped out of darkness into light which has brought blessings that can only come from God’s bountiful grace. I now have a husband who has joy in a way he hasn’t had for many years, a husband who is wanting to love God with his whole heart.
We now have desires that are no longer conflicting or opposing. We are running that race together to heaven. Life is short and soon gone. Eternity beckons. How wonderful to have a husband that is walking in the light. Even though damage has been caused and hearts broken on the way; God is the almighty fixer. He mends; he heals; he restores and he rescues.
He has taught me many hard things and my actions and reactions are often wrong. I have much more honing in store, but for today, I thank God for his kindness and generosity to my husband in drawing him back to himself.
We have the most amazing Saviour. He is patient and gives us the opposite of what we deserve. No matter what we have done, where we have come from, how black or foul our behaviour, God is full of kindness and mercy.
God sees our repentance and runs to us. His love never runs out.
Thank you Lord.