For me, it’s so easy to focus on the negative, on the bad, on the shame and the hurt. But in this tangle of conflicting emotions which pull me in every direction all of the time, I am aware of something very precious. I am aware that God has been so gracious in bringing my husband out of darkness and into his wonderful light.
It’s very hard to blog about him in some ways because of all that he should have been. He was a pastor and he should have always been in the light. Over the last years I have known something was amiss. It wasn’t anything blatant but I knew he wasn’t loving the Lord with his whole heart, mind, soul, and strength. But it was subtle, and I could not put my finger on it. I also knew of his unhappiness, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it. I prayed for him at home, at work, in the night, and even trudging around the aisles of the supermarket. I never stopped. I implored the Lord over and over again, and cried for many years because it seemed that God was ignoring my prayers by not answering them.
But never the less, God has answered my prayer and I give him thanks. I thank him because my husband has now stepped out of Satan’s territory back into Gods. He has stepped from darkness into light. And with that transition has come huge blessings that can only come from love and light and God’s bountiful grace. I now have a husband who has joy in his Lord once again in a way he hasn’t had for many years, a husband who is wanting to love God with his whole heart, soul and mind and strength. A husband who puts God first rather than himself.
We now have the same desires that are no longer conflicting, no longer opposing. We are running that race together to heaven. Life is short and soon gone. Eternity beckons. How wonderful to have a husband that is walking in the light. Even though damage has been caused and hearts broken on the way; God is the almighty fixer. He mends; he heals; he restores and he rescues, and then lavishes us with love and many blessings.
He has taught me many hard things. I am still learning, and the tangle of emotions that I feel second by second wildly fluctuate. My actions and reactions are often so wrong, and I have so much more honing in store, but for today, I thank God for his kindness and generosity to my husband in drawing him back to himself and that the awful idols in his heart are now smashed and repented of.
We have the most amazing Saviour. He is so patient and gives us the opposite of what we deserve. No matter what we have done, where we have come from, how black or foul our behaviour, God is full of such kindness and mercy it takes my breath away.
God sees our repentance and runs to us. He embraces us and puts rings on our fingers and clothes us in garments fit for a palace. He kills the fatted calf and celebrates and treats us as sons and daughters. Wow, this has happened in our family.
Thank you Lord.