It’s costly denying self. It feels like cutting off a limb when we understand that we need to give up the right to nurse hurt and resentment. It’s also a real test when we trust God by stepping over the line. Then we have to shed all that we think we have the right to hold on to.
This is my third blog teasing through leaving hurt behind, and I have been wrestling with God over all of this. It’s difficult really letting go of negative emotions, and I’ve been hesitant removing the bricks from the walls I’ve built around myself. It’s my protection and my fortress, but it doesn’t fit in with forgiveness and grace and love. So the wall needs to be demolished. It may have to be brick by brick, I’m not sure if I can cope with a stick of dynamite which will blow the wall up instantly.
I’m beginning to see that if I do this I won’t lose out. I know that I will gain. I’ve had glimpses of joy that only forgiveness brings. it’s about trusting and obeying without knowing the outcome.
It’s a bit like swimming in the sea. For me it’s always an excruciating process. I hate being cold and I stand waist high in the perceived freezing water. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to get my shoulders under, but once I do, all perception of freezing cold has gone. It feels wonderful and liberating and I wonder why I didn’t just take the plunge and do it sooner.
Praying that God helps us in and through the hard situations that we face. That we follow his lead and not our own. Then we will be led into green pastures where the quiet waters are. He will then restore our souls.