As I woke this morning I was assaulted by guilt and grief. Before I had chance to open my eyes I felt consumed by the pain that has been caused. Firstly to God, then to others. As I thought about it, I felt all joy being sucked out of me and I was consumed by overwhelming grief that God has been so hurt. Before I opened my eyes, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.
Every single day I have a friend that sends me scripture via whatsapp. Since the news broke all those months ago, she has sent me verse after verse with relentless tenacity. Today I expressed how grieved I was, how overwhelmed I was by the hurt caused to God. Her response was;
“It’s Satan, without doubt!! Your husband is completely forgiven, totally. Yes the Holy Spirit was grieved when it was happening but now it’s all about grace and forgiveness. Say, get behind me satan and reclaim your joy xx💕”
It was just what I needed to hear this morning, and how I thank God for straight talking loving Christian friends who aren’t afraid to tell me what I need to hear.
God has provided me with two ladies that I love with my whole heart. I have been in a triplet with them for many years. As we have studied God’s word together, bit by bit our whole lives have been exposed to one another. We have been honest and accountable, and as we have challenged one another, we have been helped to see our flaws and blind spots before each other and before God.
We need close fellowship with others. We can be so blinded by sin. We need to be honest and accountable and not care how we come across …. otherwise pride stops honesty and accountability. We need others to listen to what we are really saying, and be willing to be challenged and corrected. It brings life.
This lie from Satan about how terribly God has been grieved has been my biggest stumbling block. Months ago, I was walking by the sea, and in my bitterness I told God how dreadfully he had been hurt and how could I ever get over it? I can remember emailing another wise friend. Her response was:
“Is your sin 20% and your husband’s 99%? Has God not forgiven him just as he’s forgiven you?”
This was such a big wake up call for me. Satan is so unbelievably subtle and he uses things that are close to our hearts. He knows how much I love the lord, and he uses it against me. Today I was hurting on God’s behalf, and not realising how I was sinning against him. He must be grieved that I’m hanging on to the hurt caused him when he’s heard our cries, sees our sorrow, understands our repentance and has forgiven it all. In spite of grace, I am bringing it up and crying for the grief caused when it’s been dealt with. Satan is far more devious and subtle than we will ever understand. He comes to each one of us knowing our particular weakness and temperament and goes for the jugular.
 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,  and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.