Monthly Archives: January 2017

The road to recovery 

Healing takes time. Even when we step out in faith and respond rightly,  it takes a while for our emotions to catch up and sit right. I’ve  learned that we are unable to heal if we are unwilling to let go of bitterness and resentment.

I’m now at the point where I’m not raw all of the time. I have triggers which catch me out. The pain of those triggers can be so acute that it takes some time to process and recalibrate, but the constant ongoing gnawing pain is no more.

There are stages we have to go through for recovery to happen, and no matter how hard we try,  we cannot fast forward them. We have to embrace the pain and heartache, and with God’s grace he will use it in our lives to shape us and make us useful for him. Someone helpfully reminded me on Saturday that it’s a privilege to have scars. It flings us to Christ, and gives us the tools to help others in their pain. It also shows us our need and frailty which help us to understand that we are not self sufficient. We are utterly dependent on our Heavenly Father for everything. He is the only safe place in which we can hide. He is the one who heals us.

So with God’s help I’m healing. I’m recovering. I’m getting my breath back after a severe winding. It feels wonderful not to hurt all of the time and I’m truly thankful that I’m not where I once was. 

I’m now coming into a new season. The dark days of winter have passed and I see the signs of spring. When the clouds part the warmth of the sun is stunning for a short while. There is more light and the darkness doesn’t descend as quickly as it once did. I’m beginning to focus less on the sin which turned my life upside down and beginning to understand the beauty of forgiveness. How liberating it feels to leave the judging of others to God alone. I no longer feel the urge to tell God what I think he should do and how he should do it.. what he does and how he does it is no business of mine.  

So it’s a journey with many stages.  A year on and I’m beginning to see the evidence that spring is on its way. I look forward to the summer.  Warm days with much light and the comfort that the warmth of the sun brings. 

Following God and his wisdom drives out the winter in our souls. This can only happen when we respond to God on his terms, not our own. It’s only when we go his way that the winter is driven out. Satan is defeated and the battle is won. It’s only then that we can experience  his joy, peace and contentment. I love the fact that his love covers a multitude of sins. I continue to be astounded and bowled over by his grace. 

The battleground 

This week has been a hard week. I’ve struggled with health, work, feeling disconnected and displaced once more. Christian living is a relentless battle, and this week I feel I have war wounds. I know the truths, I know the right path and yet I am struggling to walk on it. I am temped to walk down that corridor of blackness. There never comes a time when the Christian can hang up his armour and leave the battleground.

It’s not a battle that anyone else can fight for us either. When we are struggling and sinking we often feel like giving up. The struggle of reacting with God in view seems just too much. Satan is crouching and biding his time; he quietly tells us that our own path is so much easier, he urges us to give in to weariness of soul and terrible self pity. But you know, this road may give us passing relief, but with it comes such a list of awful consequences which will throw us head first into a pit which is far deeper than the one we are are in now. We need to keep doggedly on that right road and stay put on that battleground. The victory is the Lord’s if we just hang in there and put all our trust in him. We need to tell him that we are beaten down and exhausted. He is listening. We need to tell him we have no desire today to go his way and would he help us? He hears our frailty and weakness and will pour strength into our weary bones.

This is me today. A poor tired and beaten down Christian tempted to go my way, but asking God to help me to walk down his path which appears so much steeper and narrower than the other.

God is gracious and faithful. Because I’ve asked him today I know he will keep me. His road is the only road that leads to ultimate satisfaction.

As I reluctantly get out of bed today, my prayer is that God helps me to suit up. To prepare for battle. Even though I have no desire to fight, he will help me go his way, otherwise I’m done for. One thing I know is this: he is faithful and trustworthy. He will keep me today, and with God’s almighty grace, the battle is already won!