Healing takes time. Even when we step out in faith and respond rightly, it takes a while for our emotions to catch up and sit right. I’ve learned that we are unable to heal if we are unwilling to let go of bitterness and resentment.
I’m now at the point where I’m not raw all of the time. I have triggers which catch me out. The pain of those triggers can be so acute that it takes some time to process and recalibrate, but the constant ongoing gnawing pain is no more.
There are stages we have to go through for recovery to happen, and no matter how hard we try, we cannot fast forward them. We have to embrace the pain and heartache, and with God’s grace he will use it in our lives to shape us and make us useful for him. Someone helpfully reminded me on Saturday that it’s a privilege to have scars. It flings us to Christ, and gives us the tools to help others in their pain. It also shows us our need and frailty which help us to understand that we are not self sufficient. We are utterly dependent on our Heavenly Father for everything. He is the only safe place in which we can hide. He is the one who heals us.
I’m now coming into a new season. The dark days of winter have passed and I see the signs of spring. When the clouds part the warmth of the sun is stunning for a short while. There is more light and the darkness doesn’t descend as quickly as it once did. I’m beginning to focus less on the sin which turned my life upside down and beginning to understand the beauty of forgiveness. How liberating it feels to leave the judging of others to God alone. I no longer feel the urge to tell God what I think he should do and how he should do it.. what he does and how he does it is no business of mine.
So it’s a journey with many stages. A year on and I’m beginning to see the evidence that spring is on its way. I look forward to the summer. Warm days with much light and the comfort that the warmth of the sun brings.
Following God and his wisdom drives out the winter in our souls. This can only happen when we respond to God on his terms, not our own. It’s only when we go his way that the winter is driven out. Satan is defeated and the battle is won. It’s only then that we can experience his joy, peace and contentment. I love the fact that his love covers a multitude of sins. I continue to be astounded and bowled over by his grace.