Monthly Archives: February 2017

I can’t mend them.

As a mum I long for each of my children to be spiritually rich. In the light of what’s happened, my heart has felt bruised and sore as I’ve watched them hurting. When they’ve been in agony I’ve been in agony. When they are suffering, my heart has broken into a thousand pieces. I have longed to take their pain as they’ve struggled to make sense of it all. 

As I hugged my child last night and felt her distress, I felt so helpless. I felt so hurt and overwhelmed for her. As we cried huddled together we talked about grace covering it all.

When my children hurt because of parental   failings, I feel utterly paralysed by it, and the only thing I can do is cry out to God. Our prayer for our children is that their pain will be used by God. We pray that it  will fling them to their ultimate Father who will turn mess into order, and pain into  knowing Him more fully. I pray that my children will see the richness and beauty of God’s grace in the messiness and pain that this life brings.

Sin causes pain. Pain hurts us, distresses us, makes us agonise over failure and loss. But one day it will all be righted. As much as I try, I can’t take away pain from my children, but I can pray that it shapes them and moulds them into something beautiful and godly, equipping them to help and support others in the struggles and disappointments of  life.

I know how fiercely I love all of my children, but my love appears dim compared to the love of their Heavenly Father. This gives me confidence to say: “Lord, use the pain and heartache of  our failure to make each one dependant on your love and grace, then use them in whatever way you choose for your glory!”

Isaiah 43:2 

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

Dark emotions  can make me panic. God tells me to trust him in every situation. I can hand my hurting struggling children over to him because he is the expert mender and the ultimate restorer. Thankyou Lord. 


Here’s to the future!

It’s been quite a week; we’ve moved into our new home, helped by so many. This move was a vastly different experience from our last move which was filled with pain and sorrow.  I had sobbed as I emptied boxes, overwhelmed by sin and betrayal. The rawness of my heartache was so acute I believed it would never heal.  

This move was full of hope as we unpacked and moved in. Smiles and laughter replaced loss and sorrow. Love conquers and my recovery continues.

There is such staggering beauty in going God’s way and following the law of love. It’s  led me to quiet waters and green pastures. God’s word has challenged me as I balked at what God asked me to do. I’ve had to work through his commands which have tested my faith to the limit, and yet it’s been the most enlightening and fulfilling  journey of my life. Forgiveness, kindness, and love. Never bringing up past offences, loving and reacting  as if I’ve never been hurt. Joyce Meyer says: “If we want to love people as Jesus instructed, we will have to do so on purpose. It will not happen by accident.”

So our future is bright. There will always be times of sorrow and regret as we think about what has been, but as we look ahead we understand that with God anything is possible. The future will be filled with great hope because great  grace has covered and will go on covering. 

My hope can’t  ever be in my new home; I can appreciate it, enjoy it, entertain in it, but I pray with all my heart that my real treasure will be firmly rooted and grounded in my eternal home. In my wonderful beautiful saviour who gave up everything for me.

I thank God today for adversity. It has grown me, shaped me, taught and  refined me. It’s prised my fingers from the world and onto my beautiful saviour. The law of God is love and it covers all wrongs. As we begin a new life in a new home repentance is the key. It opens up the way to God, it brings us back from deep darkness and utter lostness. It reconciles and restores. Repentance brings us mercy and reconciliation and it’s the only road that leads to a future which will be as bright as the promises of God.

Proverbs 28:13 

[13] Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

We are a couple who have found that mercy. We pray that grace will continue to cover and mend every bit of brokenness that remains. The future is calling us and God will continue to help us in the life that he is making ready for us. I pray that our responses to each other would  always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that the beauty of the gospel will be evident for all to see. 

There are situations that I can fret over, my work being one of them, but I hand it over to the one who knows all, praying that at the right time a door will open for me to use the skills God has given me for his glory. 

Jesus makes a way. 

Luke 7:11-15 
“[11] Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. [12] As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. [13] When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.” [14] Then he went up and touched the bier they were carrying him on, and the bearers stood still. He said, “Young man, I say to you, get up!” [15] The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.”

As I read through this passage, I was struck by the kindness and compassion of Jesus for this poor widow. He appeared in her time of need and restored the precious relationship she had tragically lost. Nothing humanly could be done, and the scene is full of helplessness. Jesus understands the widow’s desolation. He felt such tenderness for her in her lost state and interviened. He understood her fragility, her insecurity and her grief, and He did the impossible. 

As I read this passage I felt overwhelmed by the kindness of Jesus. I felt warmed by the knowledge that Jesus never changes. Just as he was available to that poor widow in her time of need, He is available to us too. He tells her not to cry because everything will be alright. When we come to him in our distress he shows us his  compassion and kindness too. 

For the widow on that day, all hope had gone; there was no way through. It was closed and barred and utterly hopeless. When our situation feels the same,  if we trust Jesus, there will always be a way forward. It won’t be dramatic like a son being raised to life, but in our sorrows, grief and hurt, We know we have a saviour who looks on, knowing everything about us and is full of compassion. 

As I think about my heartache, I feel such a love for my saviour. I have been reassured that God knows all, that he never changes and has huge  compassion for us. We may not understand why things have happened and feel perplexed, but he is looking on, and He is weaving together all our heartaches and sorrow into something beautiful which can be used in his service. 

This passage is full of  beauty. The widow’s  mourning turned into joy by receiving her son back. It’s amazing to think that there is a joy that outweighs even the widow’s joy. Our relationship with our father God was barred and closed and utterly hopeless. There was no way through and no hope for our future. Jesus smashed through our failure and sin and desolation by reconciling  and restoring a relationship that we could never restore. He made a way where there was no way. He gave us life when there was only death. This could only be done through the death and resurrection of another son. 

Jesus never promised an easy life here. In our failure and brokenness, sorrow and sighing, we can know Jesus helping and comforting us. Even when we walk through the dark valley we have that sure hope of heaven.