It’s 15 months on. As I reflect on all that’s happened, it feels like I’ve been picked up in a whirlwind, battered and dropped. The broken bones of hurt and sorrow are slowly healing and I praise God so much for this.
But in other ways I continue to struggle. coming to terms with losing everything that’s familiar along with the pain of hurt and betrayal feel too much for one person to bear.
I’m still grieving.
Eighteen years is a lifetime and just can’t be got over.
So many friendships.
So many memories.
So many experiences with no closure.
No tying up of loose ends.
Just running and hiding with shame and fear.
Acceptance is hard. I’m struggling and fighting and suffocating. Sin has cost us dear.
This grief will eventually lessen and acceptance will come, but meanwhile I pray that the church we love will heal. I pray that God will bless them more abundantly than we can ask or think for his glory. I look forward to that day when all offences will be forgotten and Jesus our precious saviour will be in view.
It may take a long time to feel fixed, it may take me a long time to accept my circumstances… But I hope that day soon comes so that I can move on.