Under God’s wings

The last 2 years have been full of heartache in many ways. The biggest heartache I’ve grappled with is how God has been grieved. I can easily panic as I see the consequences, and not fully believe that God will continue to hold us in his grip of grace. But God will work for our  good and his plans will never be thwarted. Getting a right perspective on all of this is sometimes very hard, and my sensitive disposition can hinder me as my emotions sway minute by minute, and hour by hour. Some days I know that God will use this sin to shape and mould us all, other days I feel completely panicked inside and feel defeated and despairing. I have no idea what the timeline for my recovery should look like. I’m not sure how I should be feeling, and when I have dark and gloomy days, panic can become all consuming as I fear that I will fall into that dark pit again. I am so thankful to God that I have recovered as much as I have, but lately I feel like the stuffing has been knocked out of me. I feel weary and I’ve lost the will to fight. I feel numb inside and have little energy to pray, which doesn’t help my situation. 

Time passes, life moves on, and some days, beneath my smile, I feel like I’m dying inside. 

In the midst of my struggles, a friend sent me a verse, it says this:
Psalm 57:1 

“Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.”
This verse has been of great help to me over the last week. It’s such a beautiful picture of God’s care and protection. When we are in the shadow of God’s wing there is warmth and safety while the icy blast rages and the winds howl.

 As we seek refuge in God, and bury ourselves deep under his wings we are utterly secure as we listen to the raging storm all around us. 

My friend reminded me that as God’s children, we can stay under his wings until the disaster passes. God’s wings of protection are a continual place of safety which we can always run to. Our disaster may soon pass or never leave us –  we are never guaranteed an easy time in this life. The consequences of sin may roll on indefinitely, and Satan continually prowls, always seeking to harm us, and make us doubt as he tries to disillusion us and make our Christian journey so difficult we lose our faith.  Thankfully, God’s love is so tenacious that we will always be safe as we hide in him until the disaster passes.

Struggles and sorrow will continue on. I may feel low and feeble today, but I know that if I’m hiding in God, however I feel, he knows and cares about my hurt and my struggles. He urges us to run and hide in him … when the disaster ultimately passes we will enjoy eternity,  which will be free from pain and sorrow, and brokenness and sin will be no more. 

 Safe in the shadow of the Lord,

beneath his hand and power,

I trust in him,

I trust in him,

my fortress and my tower.
My hope is set on God alone,

though Satan spreads his snare,

I trust in him,

I trust in him,

to keep me in his care.
From fears and phantoms of the night,

from foes about my way,

I trust in him,

I trust in him,

by darkness as by day.
His holy angels keep my feet

secure from every stone;

I trust in him,

I trust in him,

and unafraid go on.
Strong in the everlasting Name,

and in my Father’s care,

I trust in him,

I trust in him,

who hears and answers prayer.
Safe in the shadow of the Lord,

possessed by love divine,

I trust in him,

I trust in him,

and meet his love with mine.

( Timothy Dudley- Smith)