A new year has dawned. As the past becomes more distant with every month that rolls by, the assumption is that everything is now okay and no longer needs to be addressed. In some ways that’s right, but it’s hard to communicate the sense of sadness that remains. It’s left me with a heart that is still deeply bruised, along with a deep sense of loss and sadness that I always carry around with me; Sometimes it lies sleeping, but when it wakes, I feel the pain and displacement as acutely as if it happened yesterday. As I live with shattered dreams and overwhelming heartache, God is with me.
There is a growing contentment in my sadness and a deep understanding that God knows all. God has shown me through his word that I can be quiet while I wait upon him because He knows every hurt I have experienced, and It can all be left with him.
In my brokenness I can still live for him. In fact, my brokenness gives me a door to help others in a way I never could before. I am filled with sadness as I look back and remember my own inadequacy when others were in so much pain. My own pain has given me an opportunity to say sorry to those I failed to love in the past, and has given me more capacity to love in the future.
So what are my hopes and plans for this year?
- To love Christ more
- To have a deeper understanding of how Christ was broken so that we can be made whole
- That God would use my brokenness for his glory
- To know more contentment in a life I never wanted.
- To be more and more thankful for my husband as I continue to run the race with him.
- That my heart would be softened not hardened through disappointment and failure.
- to be able to minister and show kindness to the hurting, understanding that the kindness of others has brought healing and comfort to me.
“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”